Taking Care of the Caretaker
Copyright 2005 Amanda Bennett -- All Rights Reserved
We hug them, love them, teach them, and share with them - wiping away
tears,
assuring them that monsters are not in the closet or under the bed, even
helping them through algebra. We are our children's caretakers and we care
for them so deeply and completely that we sometimes forget to care for
ourselves. If we get too stretched out and burned out, we aren't as
effective
at taking care of others very well.
One of the things that I learned through my early years of homeschooling
and
being a full time mom was that I had to take care of MOM first. One of the
best analogies for this is the statement that is made when you are going
through the safety talk before takeoff on an airplane - when the oxygen
masks
drop in an emergency, the adult should put their mask on first, then
assist
the child with theirs. We can't help them if we are incapacitated - that's
my
interpretation. And this holds true in all that we do, particularly when
it
comes to parental well-being and the individual feeling of fulfillment.
I learned early in my adventures at home that I had to make time for
myself.
I would have one night a week that I would go to the library, without the
children, to read and enjoy the silence! It can be so difficult to make
time
for ourselves there are so many other pressing needs that get in line
ahead
of our own. Just as in days gone by when folks would talk about having to
"prime the pump" to get it working, we parents are the same way. We have
to
read, rest, relax, get some alone time so that we can focus on our own
needs
- we have to refill our own wells from time to time - re-priming the pump
so
that we are at our best.
You say, I don't have time to read -- consider getting some books on tape
from the library or through websites that rent them, like
www.booksontape.com. Perhaps you
aren't sure of tapes that you can listen to
while driving the children back and forth to various activities? We have
thoroughly enjoyed some great books on tape in the car -- Cheaper By The
Dozen, The Five Little Peppers and How They Grew, The Hobbit, Danger to
Windward, the Mitford series, and so many more. Try to get the unabridged
versions of books on tape, so that you can hear the author's words in
whole,
without losing some of them in the editing process.
Hobbies -- who has time! Most of us don't have time for them, but we need
to
try to make time. To do something recreational, relaxing your mind, taking
it
off of all of the other worries and stresses of the day -that is what I'm
talking about in a hobby. Granted, most of us don't have time to go take
up
golf or tennis, but we can possibly find time to take an evening pottery
class once a week or join a quilting group that meets twice a month.
Someone
mentioned the idea of volunteering as a docent at a local museum, or
finding
a ceramics shop where you can go and paint ceramic figures for fun and
gift
giving.
I know - it seems to be impossible to even consider finding time for
yourself, with soccer practice, ballet lessons, support group events, and
not
to mention the orthodontist and pediatrician! Here's an idea that works
for
me -- a friend once told me that her mother had taught her to write a check
into her savings account every payday, even for a small amount, before
paying
any other bills. This way, she would get her priorities in order and build
a
good habit early in life. Well, this idea can also apply to our own
personal
daily and weekly schedules. Block off your time on the calendar FIRST,
then
add all of the other appointments and demands later. Preserve your
appointments for yourself -- protect this time and use it for your own
well-being.
This time is so important, yet so easily sacrificed when other "more
important" things crop up. Just as you try not to interfere or make
demands
on a working spouse's daily work routine, protect this time for yourself
as
part of your "work" schedule. When I was young, I remember my mother
getting
up before daylight, quietly going to the kitchen and making coffee. She
would
sit at the kitchen table with her coffee, looking out the back window into
the woods, enjoying the silence for a while, before all of the children
woke
up and broke into her quiet time. I never understood just how important
this
time was until we had our own children, and now I appreciate her
exasperated
look when one of us would awaken early and wander out before daylight!
-
Take time to make time. Begin by blocking off an hour each week that is YOUR time, no exceptions. Even if you go and sit in the library and read a magazine -- just go!
-
Use your time for your needs, not others. What makes you feel better -- reading, catching up on letters, sewing, quilting, walking?
-
Read or listen to books on tape -- to help broaden your horizons, add some perspective to your daily life, and open new areas of interest.
-
Try to get up early every morning to have some quiet time before everyone wakes up -- read, pray, listen to the silence.
-
Check out videos from the library that interest YOU -- travel tapes to places that you have dreamed of visiting (Scotland, Australia, Great Britain, Africa, etc.), or perhaps videos that teach things like painting, quilting, cooking, and more.
-
Keep a journal -- write in it every day. Not only does it help you see all that has been accomplished and record the daily happenings -- the simple act of journaling provides a constant steady reminder of the passing of time. As homeschoolers, we tend to get wrapped up in marking time by years until graduation, instead of enjoying the value of each and every day.
-
Make time to see just how far you have come. Go back through picture albums occasionally. Look back over goals from years past. See just how far your family has come, and you will also notice some new directions that need to be taken.
-
How can you help others? Along with hobbies, it is important to many of us to give back to our community. Can you read to the elderly, sew nap quilts for the abused children's home, help out at the library from time to time?
I hope that these suggestions have helped you to see the importance of taking care of the caretaker! When you get some time to continue your own personal growth, you will probably have more patience with your family and your homeschooling efforts. Remember to seek help and support when you are feeling stressed - you are not alone and your needs are very important! As they say around our house, "when Mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!"
As you begin to take care of your needs, your children will learn a valuable lesson -- that everyone has needs that are very important. As parents, our needs tend to get pushed to the background and set aside, and this isn't healthy for the individual or the family.
As I head off to the call of waking children, thanks for sharing a cup of coffee during my quiet time this morning! Here are some thoughts to ponder as you go about your busy day:
"When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and
brings
joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life."
Jean Shinoda
Bolen, M.D., "Windows of the Soul"
"The finest qualities of our nature, like the bloom on fruits, can be
preserved only by the most delicate handling.
Yet we do not treat
ourselves
nor one another thus tenderly."
Henry David Thoreau, Walden
"To laugh often and love much - to win the respect of intelligent persons
and
the affection of children, to earn the approbation of honest critics - to
appreciate beauty - to give of one's self, to leave the world a bit
better,
whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
to
have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation - to know
even one life has breathed easier because you have lived--
that is to have
succeeded."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Take care of YOU, and God bless!
Amanda Bennett is a homeschooling wife and mother, conference speaker,
and the author of the very popular unit study series.
PLEASE NOTE:
This article is copyrighted, and may NOT be used or
copied without written permission of
Amanda
Bennett. It is NOT in the public domain, and is protected by copyright laws.
Thanks for your cooperation & understanding!
WRITE YOUR OWN UNIT STUDIES & SAVE!
With all of the possible topics for
unit studies, I will never be able to cover every interest for every child.
To help you create unit studies on cowboys, or dinosaurs, or this week's
curiosity, I have developed
Unit Studies 101
- an interactive book on CDROM that will help you build your own unit
studies. With clickable links, simple tables and forms, you can create
thorough unit studies for your family.
"I love this! It has helped me
learn so much about unit studies, and now
I'm off to write my own. The wealth of research links is amazing!"
Homeschool Mom
Unit Studies 101 on CDROM $ 34.95
Register your email
address to receive Amanda's free Unit Study Newsletter: